Can't Talk Now, I Have a Class to Teach!

So, I have been kinda busy.

Last Friday I played Journopalooza with the Surge. While a weird gig, probably not the weirdest that I have ever played. It did kinda feel like a wedding though, and not a cool Belgian or Californian wedding.

On Monday, I saw Betrayed with Sarah Jessica Parker. Some may say that I saw Betrayed in the same theater as Sarah Jessica Parker, and I may say that those people are jerks. It was a really good play, and family friend Jeremy Beck was great.

On Tuesday I feel at a work event and cut my left pointer finger pretty good. It bled for about a day, and that was fun. I got a tetanus shot, now with extra Whopping Cough protection, so it was really a fortunate accident. It is also fortunate that I am not in a band right now, because I cannot play an instrument right now, and probably won't be able to play for at least a week.

Speaking of my former band, we have been nominated for a Wammie for Modern Rock group. I don't quite know how I feel about this.

Finally, Aloha Hawaii.

You Say Goodbye...

I think is should be fairly obvious, but I am not really posting over here any more. Not that I was the most prolific blogger out there. Actually, I am just going to start posting over at the band blog. For example, I just posted a recap of my performance at Darren and Emilie's wedding. So head over there. I also now cover the Nats, and Boxing, for DCist.

Hello...

Gosh, it has been a while since I have been here. Between attempting to keep my band together, and a child-like ability to be fascinated by free internet flash games, I just haven't had the time to write on this site. Well that all changes today!

First, because I know that you all are fascinated by my digestive system, I recently had a blood test to determine if I have Celiac Disease. Throughout this whole medical situation I have attempted to make a series of compromises. For example, I would have preferred depression to lactose intolerance. Well now, I am really pulling for lactose intolerance, because this Celiac thing looks like even less fun. And while a lot of things have dairy, I suspect that even more things have wheat. Also, I am not really comfortable with the thought of my body attacking itself.

The owner of my restaurant recently sold the place. It has been a hard year or so for her, and I am glad that she is finally free of the restaurant. She worked harder, and had to endure more crap, than anyone should and I wish her all of the best. It was funny, one the last night, most of the staff gathered at the restaurant. As we were saying goodbye, I realized that this had become more than a job to all of us. There were plenty of hugs, and exchanging of e-mails and addresses. It felt more like the last day of school than the last day of waiting tables. This feeling is a tribute to my former owner. Everyone worked there because they loved her. So congratulations Jefa!

In a funny way, I am going to miss the restaurant. Sure I was busy all the time, but I got use to it. Last night, I came got home around 5:30, and did nothing. By 9:00 I felt like it was bed time. I am just not use to having that much time to myself on a weekday. Granted, as compared to the wheat stomach eating disease, this is a pleasant problem to have.

In more exciting news, my band is a finalist to get the last spot on the FettoFest. The competition will take place this Sunday at Growlers Pub in Gaithersburg. Those unable to attend will be able to listen to the performance on 94.7, or on The Globe's website.

And in actually exciting news. My friend Darren is getting married to the lovely Emilie in Belgium in September, so I get to go to Europe. I will be spending three days in Paris before departing to Brussels. It should be a lot of fun. For example, I think I might be staying in a castle for a few nights.

So that is it for now. I think I should be congratulated for creating a remarkably boring post out of actually interesting activities.

Dearly Beloved...

First, in the "Things I Don't Want To Do at 9:00 am After a Bachelor Party" category, let me add "smell items in the company refrigerator to determine what is giving the office the unique aroma of dead rotting animals." Fortunately, I prepared for work today by not reaching the level of debauchery appropriate for the event last night.

Second, the band is playing at the Velvet Lounge on Friday, July 13th with Lights Resolve and Black & White Jacksons. This is a concert that we would really like a good amount of people to come out to, and most of you live withing 5 blocks of the club, so it would be nice to see you all out. Besides, you are not going to let a stupid superstition scare you away, are you? The only thing that I will be able to conclude is that you are a coward if you don't come out next Friday. Or you hate me. Those are your only two options.

So, what else has happened since we last spoke?

It looks like I am lactose intolerant. I haven't had dairy in a month and I have felt a lot better. As much as I want to believe that I am just very depressed, it looks like milk is the culprit. I have learned is the dairy is in anything worth eating. I am willing to bet that your favorite food contains dairy. I go back to the doctor on Monday, and then we start "re-introducing" dairy. There are degrees of lactose intolerance, and I will have the fun job of figuring out what I can and can not eat. I guess that means drinking milk and waiting around for side effects, which should be a lot of fun.

What has been fun is the amount of foods containing dairy that both Tommy and my mother now like to offer me. I realize that I use to eat a lot of dairy, particularly cheese, and they are not use to these restrictions yet, but it is funny none the less. Typically they offer me something, like ice cream. I respond that I can't eat it, and then they have a brief confused look on their face before they remember my intolerance and then apologize. I seriously think Tommy went from never offering me ice cream, to offering it to me 3 days in a row after my diagnosis. It was pretty great.

Also, I want to strangle people at my restaurant who order American cheese on hamburgers when we have so many other worthy cheeses available.

It appears that I have entered into the "everyone you know is getting married" stage of my life. I went to a wedding party last weekend, and I have a wedding this weekend. Two weddings in September, and others that I can't attend. Given that Hugh Grant's character name in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was Charles, I have decided to imagine that my life is a British romantic comedy. For the record, it is thoughts like these that give me hope that depression can beat out lactose intolerance as the cause of my stomach ailments.

At the party last weekend I learned that there is a beach less than 30 miles away from D.C. While I wouldn't bring my surfboard, it is a lovely spot. While I was out there I also stopped by Annapolis, which I frequently forget a) is close to D.C., and b) exists. It was nice, kinda like Old Town but slightly younger and more energetic. I say that, but you must realize that I saw about 15-20 guys in seersucker suits in the span of about 45 minutes, so only slightly younger and more energetic.

Help Me Internets, You Are My Only Hope.

I have spent the last few days trying to set up the band's blog. This is what I have so far. I need to design a header and change the color scheme, but overall I am happy. The problem is that I have a few things that I would like to do that I can't seem to find any plugins or widgets for. Note, this is a Wordpress 2.1.2 blog.

First, I would like to be able to select an author's name and go to all of the posts by that author. I have seen this done, but I can't seem to figure it out. It would also be nice to have the author's names appear on the sidebar with the same clickable functionality.

Also, I would like a section in the sidebar that lists our upcoming concerts. It would be nice if you could click on them and go to more information, be it a post about them or whatever. I have tried this, but I can't seem to make it work. Any help would be much appreciated.

Also, feel free to let me know if you have any other ideas for band blog functionality.

A Suspicous Mind...

I just became eligible for my company's 401k plan. Part of the paperwork involves designating a beneficiary for my meager savings. As I am unmarried, this creates something of a dilemma. An obvious choice right now is to name one of my parents as my beneficiary, but that only creates more problems. Which of my parents is less likely to kill me for the contents of my IRA plan? My father just got a new 50 inch HDTV, so I think he is probably the safer bet. I could name my sister, but then I would need to hire a food taster with every new fashion season. Tommy is clearly out, he probably already has a list of computer crap that he needs right now and also has the most opportunity. Hell, I am ready to designate the first person who can put a Nintendo Wii in my hands either tonight or tomorrow.

A Thought After Veterans Day...

Don't you think that members of 'THE GREATEST GENERATION" should tip more than 10% or else be forced to lose their title?

Do They Know It's Halloween?

While I don't like dressing up, I have decided to be a waiter this Halloween. To show my commitment to the costume I am going to spend the whole weekend in a restaurant! Beat that. I am certain that some people will have Zombie related costumes, but are you going to start eating brains? I bet not. I imagine that by Halloween proper I will have altered my costume into a tired waiter who should have paid more attention in college. In slightly related news, I hate the Marine Corps Marathon.

The video is for Tommy.

Friday...

The internets are going nuts this morning. Ryan and Lisa are coming back and Spencer is leaving TNR. I don't know what happened with Ryan and Lisa, but I suspect that Spencer was seduced by the useless layabout lifestyle of his roommates.

I was wiping down a table at the restaurant the other night, and managed to find a way to have the tine of a fork jut into the part of my finger between the tip of my finger and my fingernail. I was both amazed by the fact that this was possible, and by how much it hurt. I currently have a little red line the width of the tine of a fork running about halfway up my fingernail. I can't decide if I should be worried about losing the nail.

I think that I am ready to sell all of my possessions and follow whoever created this. Things are slow around the office, so I just might spend the rest of the day playing it.

This post's YouTube video is Psapp's "Tricycle" off of their newest album.

I like to think that I am doing my part to drive down productivity this dreary Friday.

You've Gotta Nerve...

An update on the protests. They now have a large, about 12 foot tall, inflatable rat in front of our building. I am not sure who the rat is exactly, but I like it. At one point, someone was pulling on the rat's ropes to make it lurch back and forth menacingly.

We'll March Day and Night...

For about two weeks now, my building has been protested. I am not entirely sure what they are protesting, mainly because they always protest while I answer the telephones, so all I hear is shouting and general noise. I think it has something to do with the building company using non-union workers, or something. Mostly they just yell for about an hour and a half, and boo anyone who enters the building.

Today, for about the last 15 minutes, one of the protesters has been using a horn think that sounds like a kazoo. This seems like cheating to me. Have the courage of your convictions and irritate me without mechanical assistance. I feel like this is an unfortunate aftermath of the baseball steroids scandals, everyone is looking for the easy way. Sad. Also, we suspect that they are employing homeless people to bulk up their numbers.

Seriously, The Bathroom?

I had, quite possibly, the worst table that my restaurant has served on Saturday. It is really the first time that I have questioned the sanity of people that I have served.

My restaurant hosts a universities local alumni chapter during football season to watch their team. It is quite a spectacle to watch. We have about 100-50 people all dressed in the same colors, and they shout, and sing, and chant as if they were really at the football game. As you can imagine they create quite a mess.

So the game is over and the alumni are filing out. Everyone on the staff is working to reclaim the restaurant as quickly as possible. It is during this chaos of pom-pom streamers, empty can of Natural Light, and cleaning spray that 6 people walk into the restaurant and ask for a table for 8. I tell them that we just finished a football game, and it will take a few minutes for me to clear off and set a table.

I then go inform my manager that 8 people will be here for dinner. Now, I am suppose to leave after the football game. She asks me to get the table started and then she will take it over. I clear off and set the table and seat the party. Then, I ask for their drink orders. Two of the men ask what bourbons we have. We carry a lot of bourbons in our restaurants, most of which I rarely serve, so I ask them for a minute and go check to see what is behind the bar. I return, list of bourbons in hand, and ask again for their drink orders. One of the guys is disappointed that we don't carry Wild Turkey 101, apparently regular old 80 proof Wild Turkey doesn't pack quite the same punch. The other bourbon drinker convinces Mr. Wild Turkey to order a different high end bourbon, which they both get with Coke. I emphasize this because good bourbon really isn't meant to be drunk with Coke, and while I don't care how people get drunk, the addition of Coke surprises me a little. I just didn't expect people who get so demanding on their bourbon of choice to then mix it with Coke.

After cajoling drink orders out of the rest of the table, I put their orders in, and check to see how the rest of the cleaning process is going. I pick up their orders and return to their table. They then order their dinners, two people get the surf and turf and Mr. Wild Turkey gets the prime rib.

After I put in their dinner orders, I see that more people are at the front waiting to be seated. Usually, our dinner shift after a football game is pretty light. Particularly when the game goes until 7:30 or so, because the restaurant is filled during the prime dining time and people go elsewhere. This is why my manager felt that she could handle the dinner shift and send me home after the football game. The problem is that people are streaming in to watch the Texas game, creating another rush too big for my manager to handle by herself. I tell her that I will stay and start picking up new tables.

I go back to the kitchen and they tell me that we are out of prime rib. So I go back to my table and tell them that we are out of prime rib and ask if they would like anything else, note prime rib is also part of the surf and turf. The surf and turf people are upset but quickly agree to substitute the New York Strip. Mr. Wild Turkey is very upset and asks if we have rib eye. I say that the New York Strip is the only cut of steak that we have. He remains upset, but agrees to the New York Strip. I go tell the kitchen about the substitutions and tend to my other tables.

After a while I return to the table to check on their drinks. The bourbon drinkers would like another round. While I am there, Mr. Wild Turkey is still upset about the lack of prime rib and begins to tell me that New York Strip is no substitution for prime rib. Mind you, he isn't being charged for the prime rib, but I apologize and go get their drinks.

I return and tell them that we are now out of the bourbon they selected and ask if they would a different bourbon. This sends Mr. Wild Turkey into a tizzy. And after apologizing again, I get them their drinks with the new bourbon.

Now at this point I can understand their frustration. They have asked for a few things that we have run out of. This happens in restaurants, and they aren't being charged for anything they are not getting, but I can see why they are upset.

Eventually their food comes up and I serve them and refresh their drinks. When I return five minutes later to ask how the food is, they say fine but are still clearly upset. The restaurant is pretty busy now, and we are short staffed, so I don't have a lot of time to worry about them.

As I am tending to my other tables, one of the guys signals that he would like another bourbon. I get his drink and tell them that this is the last of this bottle of bourbon. Now, in defense of my restaurant. They were drinking high end bourbons that we don't sell a lot of, so my manager doesn't keep extra bottles of these around. This usually isn't a problem because we have other high end bourbons to select from. Of course, the table is appalled. As a waiter, you develop of sense of when you have lost a table and any chance I had for a good tip with this table is gone. I assumed this was the point at which I lost the table. I don't particularly blame them, sometimes things just happen and there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes the dealer is showing 6 but has a 5 hidden underneath. You are just screwed.

They finish dinner, and I clear the plates and ask if they would like anything else. To my surprise they order more drinks and proceed to stay in the restaurant. They stay for a while and continue drinking, but a cold war has set in. They start talking down to me and clearly don't like me, and I am doing my best to hide that I don't like them.

At one point, Mr. Wild Turkey pulls me aside to tell me how disappointed he is. According to him, they dine out a lot in the neighborhood and they spend a lot of money, and I should have done more to make them happy, like give them discounts or something for free. This is when things start to make sense. The problem is that I didn't worship their credit cards enough. They buy expensive things and deserve preferential treatment as a result. Again, they have not been charged for anything that they didn't receive, but because they won the lottery by picking items the restaurant was out of, they deserve something for free. I officially hate the people. After Mr. Wild Turkey is done lecturing me I say apologize and walk away. If he expected something for free after his speech then he should have had a different waiter.

And yet they continue to stay.

After they have been in the restaurant for about 3 hours, and I have been working for about 9, they ask for their checks, separate checks. I give them their checks, and two of the people have decided that I didn't deserve any tip. Mr. Wild Turkey leaves me nothing on $48. Another guy leaves me nothing on $100, but manages to write "This is the worst restaurant ever."

And yet they continue to stay, watching me. We had balloons up for the football game, and one of the guys asks me if he can have some. I say fine, and he proceeds to grab two balloons, puts a hole in one them so that he can sound like a munchkin. The guy has to be at least 35. He tires of this, and just pops the second balloon. And still they remain.

After they have been paid for about 20 minutes, and I have picked up the checks and thus know that I haven't been tipped, Mr. Wild Turkey then asks me for another drink! Really, the guy after complaining about the restaurant, lecturing me, and giving me no tip, asks for another drink. I was flabbergasted. I answered that the restaurant was closing because the Texas game was over, and I walked away.

I then leave the restaurant and sit on the stair in the back. I am so angry that I am not sure that I can contain myself, and I just want for them to leave. All of my other tables are gone, so I sit out back for about 10 minutes. I walk back into the restaurant and they are still there. I couldn't believe it.

Eventually my manager goes over, when they are one of the last two tables in the restaurant, and tells them that we have closed. They finally get up and go. All in all, they probably stayed about 45 minutes to and hour after they had paid.

After I have finished cleaning and resetting the restaurant, I clock out and sit at the bar to enjoy a post-long ass-shift drink. While I am sitting, my manager says "Charles you have to see this." So I get up and walk into the men's bathroom to find that the soap dispenser has been ripped off of the wall, the cover of the smoke alarm has been removed, and an air-freshener has been torn off of the wall and destroyed. All petty vandalism, but the real imagination was when they took a vinyl poster off of the wall and stuffed it into the top of the toilette so that the water would continually run. That took creativity.

We are sure that it was my table that was responsible for the destruction. My manager and the bartender didn't have any problems, or weirdness, with any of their customers, and Mr. Wild Turkey's friends were my only problem. The vandalism has to have occurred late or else someone would have told us, and they were the second to last table to leave. I had been in there about 1:30 before the discovery and nothing was wrong.

It was when I discovered the vandalism that their actions after they paid made sense. They were waiting to see what I would do. Mr. Wild Turkey asked for another drink to see how I would respond. They waited to see if I would see the bathroom. I think they were trying to start a fight, like an actual fight!

When I discovered that vandalism, I was probably the maddest I have been in a while. My manager saw how mad I was and reassured me that I didn't do anything wrong. I was so mad that I couldn't talk. I was so mad that I couldn't get to sleep that night, and I didn't get home until 2 after working for about 10 hours. I still am pretty mad. My blood is boiling while I write this two days later.

As a waiter you take a fair amount of abuse from time to time. Not a lot, and I can mostly deal with it. But the owner of my restaurant works harder than any person should, and I won't stand for people disrespecting her. That is what put me over the edge.

So I guess they won. They got to me. Congratulations.

Sorry for the length of this post, but I have been thinking about this for two days. I just kinda needed to write this so I can be done with the whole thing. That is why I didn't edit or proof this post in any way.

Corona in a Can?

As I was leaving work on Saturday I got a call from Tommy asking me if it was okay if people came over to our apartment. I said that company was welcome, mainly because I didn't anticipate that there would be attempts to add extra carbonation to a can of beer. My boss was in the car, and wanted to know if I wanted some free beer for our impromptu party. I love free beer, so we went back to the restaurant and filled up. And while my boss is very nice and generous, it wasn't generosity that was guiding her, she just couldn't sell this beer. The beer in question was Corona in a can.

It appears that people just won't buy Corona out of a can. She tried offering all sorts of deals but just couldn't get rid of it. I guess that what people want out of Corona is the commercial. They want to be sitting on the beach with that clear glass bottle. The company sponsors Jimmy Buffett concerts for God's sake. It got me wondering, has anyone ever seen Corona on draft? Does such a thing exist? I am pretty sure that I have seen every other major beer company on draft, except for Corona.

Where I Am Going?

In the past few days I have had a few people at work ask me if I had any vacation plans. When I responded that I didn't, they all suggested that I take some time off. And while this may be a veiled suggestion that I look haggard and need to go to bed earlier, I think that it is a good idea. I guess it is possible that everyone I work with is just sick of me.

The problem is that I don't have any idea where to go. Thus I am engaging in my first bleg. I must say that I have avoided these for so long because I find the word "bleg" repugnant. So a couple of stipulations:

1. I am planning for either late September or early October.
2. I am thinking about taking a week off.
3. I won't fly. I hate flying. I can't believe people volunteer, much less pay, for the experience.
4. I like driving. A driving tour, say down to Nashville and Memphis is an idea I have thought about.

That is pretty much it. So let me know what you all think. Also, does anyone want to accompany me? I do have friends, right?

Also, as a confession that is sure to shock everyone, given my druthers I would hole up here and drink myself stupid for a week. You may think that the Homestead is a very waspy, and it is. You may also think that it looks like the locale for "Dirty Dancing," and it does. But it was here that I learned that the best way to get over a hangover, and a pretty healthy whiskey hangover at that, is to have an hour long full body massage and a good steam. In case you were curious, yes I do disgust myself sometimes.

It has begun...

I just learned that the copiers in my office order their own replacement supplies. Humanity is screwed.

New York Hack

Our receptionist has been sick for the past two days, so I have had to answer the phones all day. This involves sitting at a desk for 7 hours with only the computer to keep me company. I know this wouldn't be a problem for some, but after about 3 hours the internet just isn't that interesting. The experience is also like a long car ride. Because I am the only receptionist I can't leave the desk without getting someone to fill in for me. This means that I stock up on water and soda and go to the bathroom before I sit down.

Today hasn't been that bad because I stumbled across New York Hack. This is a blog by a female New York City taxi driver, who brings along a camera and takes pictures while she works. It is an interesting read, along the lines of Waiterrant, which is where I found it.

Efficiency!

We use a document management system at my office. It indexes all of our files, and stores them in on the network such that everyone has access to them. Having worked in offices where people just save documents wherever they feel like, and name them according to whatever indecipherable code they can come up with at the time, I think this program is great. One no longer has to hunt through an endless maze of folders and symbols that would humble Indiana Jones in order to find that letter the person in the office next to you was working on yesterday.

Well, my office is currently upgrading this software and I had to take a 45 minute class on the new interface. This new interface is almost exactly like the old interface. The bulk of the class was spent going over new features in the new version. Most of these new features allow one to do something that took 10 seconds in 1 second. Think about the efficiency. Processes now can take a tenth of the time!

That seems pretty great, but let us take a look at the math. I figure that after the class I will save about 9 seconds on average on various tasks related to this program. I should point out that the old, slow 10 second method still exists in the new version. The class took 45 minutes, or 2700 seconds. In order for this class to have been a good use of mine, and my office's, time, I have to perform this new function 3,000 times. Let's say I use these features about 3 times a day on average. Thus, I will have to be here for 1,000 work days, or 200 weeks in order to justify the class. That is about 4 years, assuming no further upgrades and training, before my company starts reaping the benefits of this class!

I realized that there is no way that my company can derive a benefit from this class. This is partly due to the fact that further upgrades and classes are inevitable. But there is another reason that I think this graph clearly illustrates.

So it is clear that the 9 seconds I have gained will quickly evaporate. Hell, I can even see reaching the point where just turning on the computer becomes a small victory.

Open Letter

Dear Customers of the Potbelly's Located at 17th and L, NW,

Are you all completely insane? The line is at the door. Do you think that the sandwiches are really that good? Seriously? Because there are many fine establishments in the neighborhood, I am sure you walked by a few to get to the Potbelly's. I know you aren't surprised about the line because it is like this every damn day. The only thing that keeps the line out the door is the cold. I have witnessed the insanity that occurs when the weather is nice.

Look, I like their sandwiches also, particularly the use of carrot in the hot peppers, but its just not worth it. I understand that you probably save a dollar or two, but at what cost to your dignity. By standing in that line you are effectively saying 15-20 minutes of your time is only worth about $1.50. That only adds up to between $6.00 to $4.50 an hour. Do you really not think that you are worth more than that, because I do. Hell, you aren't even making minimum wage standing in that line. Maybe you should unionize, you clearly have the time to organize.

So please stop, for your own sake.

Sincerely,
Charles

Charlesrant

I feel that I have done a good job not imitating Waiterrant so far. Unfortunately, that streak is going to end, if only for one post. The creativity will come in making this as google-proof as possible. Let me warn you, this is long and probably only serves my mental health, so read at your own risk.

So the restaurant I work at has a cheap hamburger day every week. Once a month, a large group comes in. They usually call and reserve about 12 seats or so. In addition to having a large group on what is usually one of our busiest nights, they also manage to combine all of the traits of bad customers into an unholy melange concocted for the sole purpose of driving me completely insane. They don't all show up at the same time. They all want separate checks and numerous substitutions. They don't listen to the specials, forcing me to repeat them over and over again. My favorite is that other people at the table will not stop talking while other people are ordering. Also, they only come one our cheap day, and only order items that are reduced in price.

The worst characteristic is that this group exhibits no consideration for the fact that their are other people in the restaurant, and that many of these people are expecting me to bring them food. I have waited on these people numerous times, and had gotten use to their behavior, until their most recent visit.

They called and requested a table for 12 at 7:30. They started straggling in at 7:20 or so. I would take one person's order, bring out their drink, and find two or three waiting for me upon my return. Eventually they all show up, get their drink orders, and I take their food orders. At this point things are going fine, I have their orders in and I can go check on some of my other tables.

Then in about 5-10 minute after I have gotten all of their food orders in, 3 more people in their group show up. I should explain that my restaurant has a large projection screen against one of the walls. The table that the group is sitting at is directly to the right of this screen. Well there is no space at the table for these 3 people to sit, so they decide to plant themselves beneath the screen and wait for me to show up.

I walk up to them and inform them that they cannot sit with the top of their heads obscuring part of our screen. They don't actually have a table in front of them, that table had been moved to clear space for the screen, and to clearly imply that people shouldn't sit in front of it. They ask if they can pull a table up next to the larger table, and I tell them that they would be blocking the screen. They then ask if they can just pull up some chairs next to the table, and I inform them that they would still, in fact, be blocking the screen. They then ask if they can take a table on the other side if the large rectangle that their group is occupying. I inform them that there is not enough space. At this point they just continue to sit in front of the screen. I offer them another table right behind their group's table, granted it will not by physically connected to their group's table, but it is only about 3 feet from the main table. They remain steadfast, this solution is clearly unacceptable. We just look at each other in silence for about 5-10 seconds, and I tell them that I am going to get my manager.

I walk away and take a quick look at my tables. Fortunately, the are politely sipping their drinks and don't need refills, and their food isn't up. I go find my manager and inform her of the situation. She sees that these individuals will not accept my seating authority, and goes over to talk to them. Before she leaves, she tells me not to serve any people who are not at a table. So she goes over and talks to them, and I attend to my other tables. About five minutes later I look over, and the people are still sitting in front of the screen! They are sitting there determined to be served. I have no idea what they think is going to happen. Do they believe that I will come to admire their determination and reward them with a $4.00 hamburger? Or maybe I will realize that I am the one who is being unreasonable? Nevertheless, a cold war as started.

The food for the original group is ready, so I bring it out. While I am bringing out the food, the screen blockers stand up and announce that they are being thrown out and start to dramatically say their goodbyes. Most of the people in the group are unaware of what has been going on, it is nice that they are as insensitive to each other as they are to other people. Some members of the group ask why they are leaving, and the screen blockers explain. Some of the original members tell the people leaving to just sit at the table that I originally offered. Some people even offer to go over and sit with them. This seems to appease the screen blockers, and they sit down.

My manager goes over and takes their order. She wanted to wait on them because, according to her, she doesn't have to put up with them. When she told them that they had to move, or they wouldn't be served, they said that they were leaving. My manager responded by saying goodbye and wishing them a good night. I think they found this surprising.

After this is all finally sorted out, I have been forced to neglect some of my tables and lost two or three tables that the other waiter had to pick up. The result is that he is slammed and I am ready to kill somebody. The sheer insensitivity to the fact that there are other people in the restaurant who are watching the screen astounded me. These people have been selfish in the past, but this really took my breath away. Their actions had an effect on the whole restaurant. I understand that they don't realize that everyone else gets worse service because of them, but I just don't know if they would care.

As a side note, the thing that links this group is that fact that they own fucking boats! They own boats and only go out to eat together when my restaurant is having its cheap burger day. Seriously, we are talking about $10.00 checks after a hamburger, tax and two beers. I am sorry, but people who own boats don't care about what is on special. A few people in the group saw items that looked good, but they didn't get them because they were not on special. So either they are cheap or they can't afford anything else. I suspect the former based on my tips, but if the latter is the case then maybe, and hear me out here, you shouldn't have bought a boat.

So after they have all eaten, gotten their 11 different checks, and had each person pay with a credit card, they just remain in the restaurant. They aren't eating anything, don't want anything, they just think of my restaurant as a shared living room to talk about jibs, or tacking, or knots, or whatever. Although I doubt they would leave as much garbage on the floor in their own living room. They probably stay for about an hour or so after paying, just hanging out.

After they finally leave, my manager tells me that I no longer have to wait on them. She is going to wait on them from now on because she doesn't want to subject her staff to them anymore. That is why I love my manager.

I Saw The Best Minds of My Generation Destroyed...

What type of science do we think goes into a "99.99% jam-free guarantee?" I am particularly curious because, according to my experience, the claim is demonstrably false.