Thoughts on Double Parking

After I wrote and posted my last post, I read this post on DCist about the double parking problem in Shaw, which happens to be my neighborhood. The problem is that people commuting to their old churches after they have moved away. I was thinking about it because the Baptist church I was playing at is based in my neighborhood. They are starting a new church in Maryland, which is where most of the double parkers are coming from.

I don't really know what I think about the double parking issue. It is certainly a problem, though not as bad as Shiloh exerting its influence in Shaw. But as someone who drives to another neighborhood to go to church, I understand the pull that one's home church has. My church has a parking lot, so parking is not a problem, but you can be sure that the neighbors would kick up a fuss if it were. Though my church's neighbors have found other things to complain about. Sorry about the link, but I can't seem to get the first page of the story. Basically, some neighbors didn't like my church's fake bells ringing in their neighborhood.

I don't want to justify double parking, but I think a lot of the complaints come from people like the guy in the story about my church, people who don't like the church regardless of what it does. Double parking is certainly a problem, a potentially dangerous one too, but some understanding of what is bringing people back to these church's could go a long way. A church is not like a 7-11 or a Safeway, you don't just switch to another because it is closer.

I apologize for the rambling, incoherent, nature of this post. Unfortunately my editor is on vacation.

If I Can Make It Here...

The band I play with at church was asked to play at an African American Baptist church on Saturday. The service was filled with all of traits that one expects from an African American Baptist church: people saying "Amen" when the spirit struck them, clapping, hands in the air, etc. From a kid who grew up in an upper-middle class/rich white suburban church, it was definitely an interesting experience. For example, we only say "Amen" when it is printed in bold in our bulletin. Also, we only clap when my mother starts the applause, and that is reserved for the children's choir. Another important difference, at least from my perspective, is that the Baptist church has a sense of rhythm that is completely foreign to my congregation.

The biggest difference I found was related to the preachers. The Baptist church had your standard Fire and Brimstone preacher. When he entered the room you knew that he was the preacher, he just had that power about him. In my church, we have someone say "Now turn to x in your pew Bible as I read the Gospel for the day." In the Baptist church, the preacher just started the passage from memory, and people from the congregation just joined him from memory. He was loud when he needed to be, engaging, had the perfect preacher cadence, and the repetition of phrases that one expects from an African American Preacher. My favorite characteristic was that he used the word "Amen" like telegraph operators used the word "Stop." He would just end sentences with "Amen," and not loud in exaltation, buy quiet like he was not even aware that he was using the word.

This is in stark contrast to my preachers, who are quiet, cite sources, and have sermons that feel more like essays than anything else, and end in solemn conclusions. The Baptist preacher just started preaching, and his sermon ended with the other band starting a Hymn that he just started singing and the congregation just joined in, it was amazing. But the difference that surprised me was not the preachers, but the congregation's reaction to the preachers. In my church, the Bible verse is read, then everyone sits quietly during the sermon. We have a note in our bulletin asking people to turn off their cellphones and advising them of the existence of childcare. In the Baptist church, people were writing, or checking their text messages on their phones while the sermon was going on. In my church, we feel that if you are going to ignore the sermon, you should at least have the decency to conceal your transgression. The congregation made no such attempts. Also, people would visible disagree with the preacher, sometimes by shaking their heads.

What I realized was that in this Baptist church the preacher had to convince the congregation to come along with him. They were not just going to buy what you were saying because you were the preacher, you had to earn it. In my church, you might be figuring out your grocery list during the sermon, but you are going to shake the pastor's hand and say "Good Sermon" on your way out regardless. I have a feeling that that doesn't happen in this church. I guess what I found the most surprising was the honest reactions from the congregation. I don't want to imply that my church is filled with liars, any reaction from my congregation would be surprising.

It was a pretty interesting experience, and if I was ever going to be saved, it was going to happen after that service. And now I get to add, played in an African American Baptist Church to my rock resume, which is an important entry.

I Only Hear What I Want To

I am a little surprised that I have not seen a lot of commentary on Lisa Loeb's show "#1 Single." It is a dating show, but with Lisa Loeb. I have only seen one episode, but it was pretty fantastic. To begin with, apparently Lisa is ready to get married and have children. This means that she is not just looking for a boyfriend, but a husband, which makes each date more dire than most and shines a harsh spotlight on potential suitors. For example, she gets set up with a guy who doesn't eat vegetables. At the end of the date, one of the reasons that she decides that guy is not the one is because she doesn't want to give up vegetables for the rest of her life.

All of that is well and good, but the reason that I found the episode particularly fantastic is the other, though unsaid, reason why Lisa decided not to see the non-vegetable guy again. At one point during the date, non-vegetable guy finds a karaoke machine. This is a blind date at one of Lisa's friend's house by the way. So the guy sets up the karaoke machine, says "This is a song that has been stuck in my head for the past 10 years," and proceeds to sing "Stay" to Lisa Loeb! And what is worse, he doesn't even know the words that well. So the camera just shows Lisa sitting on a sofa while this idiot attempts to serenade her, poorly, with her own song. It is fantastic, I was almost in tears I was laughing so hard.

The rest of the show was fairly boring, but this one moment was worth the 25 minutes or so that proceeded it. But what is really important is that I learned what not to do should Dido show up at our apartment on a blind date.

UPDATE: I don't think I realized how fantastic that karaoke moment was at first. I mean, what was the guy thinking, "Hey remember that time you broke up with that guy? It sounded pretty hard on you. Let's have sex!"

Jellybellys

The problem with Jellybellys is that their good flavors are really good so you become a little adventurous with your selection. This inevitably leads to a flavor that really makes you question the existence of God. Popcorn? Whoever came up with that is not a good person.

Carrot on a Stick

This is one of those moments that I wish I had a digital camera. I just saw a bike outside my office with an unopened 24 oz can of Budweiser in the water bottle holder on the frame. The bike looks like it belongs to a bike messenger. Hey, whatever gets you through the day.

This Is For Jon

I assume most of the people who read this know me personally. Given that assumption, most of you also know Jon. Well, I don't have his e-mail address, so I am going to post this link here so that he can find it. I will add that the site is also pretty great for people who are not Jon. It is funny and you can learn something, like:

"Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous."

5:00?

While watching television last night, that Bud Light commercial came on where the guy stays 2 minutes past 5:00 on a Friday. The joke is that he is a daredevil, etc. The substance of the commercial doesn't really interest me, but it did make me realize something. I don't know a single person who leaves work at 5:00. Everyone stays at least until 5:30, if not later. I was wondering if this is a Washington, DC thing, or has this trend has swept the whole country?

Ryan Cabrera's Fans

So Jon went and made an amusing little flash thing where you can punch Ryan Cabrera in the face. I say amusing because Jon has accomplished so much more, and frankly I have come to expect more. But I guess some Ryan Cabrera fan site got wind of it and proceeded to bombard the comment section. And while, Jon doesn't have any spam filters on, some of the comments are fantastic. One person put "CABRERA ROCKS AND THIS SITE SUCKS!" in one comment a couple hundred times. Scrolling through it becomes kind of hypnotic after a while. I personally like this one:

"OMG SHUT UP EVERYONE WHO H8S RYAN THIS SITE SUX RYANS AN INSPIRATION TO YOUNG KIDS AND IF THEY GO IN HERE AND THERE A LIL KID OR SOMETHING THEN U JUST TOLD A LIL KID RYANS BAD AND YOUR TEACHING THEM TO BE MEAN TO OTHERS U GAY FAGS GOD I H8 WHOEVER MADE THIS SITE RYANS MY HERO AND I LUV HIM AND KEN AS FOR U YOU MUST NEED A HEARING AID CUZ RYANS A GREAT SINGER AND SO ARE THE BACKSTREET BOYS I H8 U SO MUCH I LUV U RYAN CABRERA AND NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY I WILL ALWAYS LUV U AND N E LIL KIDS U SHOULD LUV RYAN HES NOT A BAD PERSON AND WHOEVER MADE THIS SITE PUT YOUR DAMN PICTURE WHERE U PUT RYANS CUZ U DESEERVE TO GET PUNCHED AND THE ONLY PPL WHO SAID POSITIVE THINGS WERE CASINOS (THATS REAL COMPETITION) WITH ALL US WHO LUV RYAN I LUV U RYAN AND N E BODY WHO LUVS HIM U GUYS ROCK LUV YA RYAN, KAITLYN

Posted by: kaitlyn (saw him at jc concert) at July 5, 2005 11:06 AM"

In fact, the addition of comment spam does create an interesting dialogue between shrill 14 year old girls and casinos, with horrible mouths by the way, and porn sites: the casinos and porn sites seem to agree with Jon by the way. In fact, the comments from the Pro-Cabrera sect are considerably more profane than the comments from the porn sites, your parents should be disappointed. What I particularly love about this comment is that Kaityln does use some punctuation, just not in any useful way. That comma at the end just kills me.

In other news, my friend Aaron has recently started teaching 10-11 English. I say this because it leads me to believe that problems with spelling and grammar are not going to be improving any time soon, at least not in Arlington County.

And in case any fans make their way over here, Ryan Cabrera does in fact SUX!

Back In My Day...

While I am on a video game kick. I was wondering last night if we are going to talk about old video games like our parents talk about the Beatles. Will we be telling our children that all their games are just based on Doom or Final Fantasy, and they should go back and play the originals because they are totally better? What will be the classic rock radio equivalent for video games? Also, what games should be in the canon?

Cyber-athletes

A year or so ago, Tommy got NFL2k5 for the XBox and I remember thinking at the time that video game football looked better than real football, at least on my non-HDTV. This was also during the Hockey strike, when G4TechTV was simulating hockey games.

I saw today that Barclays Premiership has started showing virtual replays of goals of the week. What is great is that you can view the goal from different angles, including from the ball's point of view! And while the technology looks like FIFA from a good number of years ago, and real athletes still have to perform before the goal can be put in the virtual world, still it is still a step towards removing actual people from sporting events. I guess the nerds can just program the jocks away.

Wilson Picket

I am a little sad to hear that Wilson Picket passed away yesterday. He definitely had one of the great voices of the last 40 years. Everyone knows "Mustang Sally" and "In the Midnight Hour" but do yourself a favor and find a copy of his version of "Hey Jude." Where Paul just sang:

"Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder"

Wilson decided he that he was just going to heat things up on his own. I swear he took the line "Take a sad song and make it better" as a personal challenge, and he did. It almost sounds like the recording technology at the time can't contain his voice. He just destroys the Beatles version as far as I am concerned. So go get some soul.

Carpetbagger!

I am so angry right now that I can't stand it. On Saturday, at the Miss America Pageant the District of Columbia will be represented by a Floridian!

"She'll be facing off (at 8 p.m. on CMT) against another tapper -- Miss D.C. Shannon Schambeau , whose Florida high school and college diplomas set off major alarms here. Indeed, the 25-year-old got her MBA from Florida's Saint Leo University in May, just two months before she earned her D.C. crown." -Washington Post

Now one might wonder why she moved to DC, well the answer is here:

"further record checks indicated she competed for Miss Florida in the five previous years, maxing out as first runner-up."

She is a loser. She couldn't cut it in Florida, so she moved up here to steal Miss District of Columbia from its rightful citizens. Take a look here at her fellow contestants in the Miss DC pageant. Some, I am sure worthy, contestants even come from Howard University and are clearly more qualified to represent our fair city.

While we are use to being represented by citizens of other states here in the District, at least those individuals had to win something. It is one thing to deal with winners, but to have this loser foisted upon is too much of an insult to bear. If I wanted Florida's garbage in my city I would support Jeb Bush's candidacy for President.

Well Miss Schambeau is not my Miss District of Columbia. I want is known that I will be boycotting the Miss America Pageant in protest. This will not stand!

From Your Mouth to God's Ears

Henry Rollins from today's Washington Post chat:

"Henry Rollins: While I applaud Bono's humanitarian efforts with great admiration, I think the music is for those who have lost their will to rock."

And you can't argue with Henry Rollins, so don't even bother.

A Brave New World

I was looking at Make Magazine's store and noticed that of all their T-Shirt sizes, only XXL was sold out and had to be back ordered.

In somewhat related news, I think that I have come up with my million dollar idea. I want to build and exercise bike with a computer attached. I figure that a lot of people wouldn't mind browsing the internet, or whatever, while exercising. My little twist is that I want to link the download/upload speed to how fast one pedals. If you really want that torrent for Hostel to finish soon you are really going to have to put in the work. I can truly bring the athlete to cyber-athlete, your ping will be linked to your stamina.

While I plan on having this idea make me disgustingly rich, it is not just money that I am concerned about. I think that I can also bridge the gap between nerds and jocks. I picture a new world. No longer will the computer sect be oppressed by their physical superiors. I figure at least they should be able to run away. When women see a guy who is in shape, maybe they will think "Wow, he must really know is perl!" And with their only evolutionary advantage negated, jocks will have to turn to books and learning. It is a beautiful world I picture, without walls and classifications.

All I really need to do is figure out where to put the tanning equipment.

Proof

This is why I am worried about John Mayer bringing blues music to 15 year old girls. DirectTV has a John Mayer concert on its Freeview, and it appears that John thinks that looking like Stevie Ray Vaughn and making similar expressions while soloing equals legitimacy.

Warner For President

I want everyone to know that I am throwing the full support of this media empire that I have created behind Mark Warner for President. At first I liked him because he is from my state, a Democrat, and a very good governor. To those who doubt those credentials, let me add this little fact from today's Washington Post:

"Those late-night sessions continue even now. Last month, on the day before his final budget speech, Warner invited his finance chief and two of his key allies in the tax fight -- Sen. John H. Chichester (R-Northumberland) and Sen. William C. Wampler Jr. (R-Bristol) -- to the governor's mansion, where the four drank Wild Irish Rose and Schlitz Malt Liquor and ate from a box of Slim Jims until late into the night." Emphasis Mine.

I defy anyone to tell my why this man shouldn't be president.

Alien Loves Predator

In lieu of actually writing anything, I am just going to pass on links. I saw this on Gothamist and it is brilliant. I am sure someone will tell me how late to the party I am on this.

UPDATE: After reading more, I have decided that this is the single best website on the internet. By the way, it was this strip that convinced me.

Question

If dreams are wish-fulfillments, what does it mean when I dream about sleeping?

As Slow As Possible

I don't know how much press that this has gotten, but John Cage's organ2/ASLSP is in its second chord, A C and F#. I don't know if this project is brilliant or idiotic, but I do want to hear it.

Also, A C and F# form a F# diminished chord. These chords are typically used to create a unsettling feeling that needs to be resolved. This chord for example just begs to move to G major. I predict that things are going to be awfully tense in the Buchardi Church for the next few years, but the payoff should be fantastic.

You Know Your An Awful Person When...

I was reading the NFL chat on the post today when I stumbled upon this quote:

"Christian Swezey: Agreed. I remember that Redskins fan who used to dress up in a full Indian costume back in the 1980s, and how the Eagles fans threw him off the uppder deck at the Vet one year. I think he broke his leg or something."

Does anyone have any idea if this is true? I was able to find this quote in this article:

"One time during a Redskins game, there was some guy wearing a [John] Riggins jersey and a pigskin mask," Deery said. "The Redskins were beating the Eagles bad, and this guy would just not sit down and shut up. The next thing you knew, four Eagles fans were giving the guy an early exit."

This seems to confirm the story, but I am still not sure. I mean, I know that Eagles fans have been known to cheer injuries to opposing players and thrown snowballs at Santa Claus, but this really takes my breath away.

By the way, you know Soccer Hooligans? You know, where people go to soccer matches and fight with police and crush people to death, etc? Well, there is an article in the Guardian that basically says that Americans are hypocrites when they decry hooliganism in Soccer in England. I will let you guess which fans they use to support their argument that violence in the stands is as bad here as it is across the pond.

Hooliganism for God's sake. People in Europe are looking at Eagles fans and seeing the same behavior that forced Milan to play 4 games in front of no fans at all. What really makes Eagles fans irritating is that they are proud of it. In fact, I expect to get angry Philadelphia fans over here threatening me.

All I really want to say is that Clinton Portis's mom is awesome. Also, everyone from Philadelphia is an awful person.